Rise and shine, Valentines. I know this day can be pretty weird if you don’t have that special love in your life. And I don’t even mean a significant other — I mean self-love.

Self-love looks and feels different for everyone. For some, self-love is visible and outspoken and expressive — maybe bikinis on the beach, or selfies on Instagram. I love that! But it’s not really me. For me, self-love is quieter than that. It’s as introverted as I am. It’s muted and peaceful, like that beautiful comfortable silence when you sit with someone you love.

When I spend time with my best friend, I don’t nitpick her appearance and obsess about her body and berate her over food choices…that would be a suuuuper strange way to act around someone I care about, wouldn’t it? I just laugh at her silliness and commiserate with her struggles. I see her for who she is: someone who I love and like. Someone with whom I share a long, winding history and unspoken communication and countless inside jokes.

That’s what love means to me, and I’ve come to realize that that’s what self-love means to me, too. It’s patience and care and support and acceptance. It’s doing and eating things I truly like, simply because that bring me joy. There doesn’t need to be a lot of fanfare, but I no longer forget it’s there. Self-love is an undercurrent of my everyday life, and a steady, dependable foundation I can build upon.

Here’s to a day of being who you are and finding that everlasting self-love — whatever that looks like to you.