You don’t get a goal height

And you don’t get a goal weight either.

You never got a vote in how tall you grew, right? Of course not, or I’d be tall enough to buy regular jeans. My goal height never materialized, and surprise surprise: neither did my goal weight.

Here’s the bad news: you don’t get a vote in how much you weigh. Your body and genetics have their own set of governing principles, and it is not a democracy.

Here’s the good news: you can mourn the idea of your goal weight and move on to a far richer life. One where you don’t have to plan out everything you eat in advance or have a panic attack when life doesn’t fit into your food rules. You can empty out the whole diet section of your brain! You can focus on a career path! You can get a hobby that doesn’t involve body hate!how-to-stop-binge-eating

Besides, what is your goal weight even based on? My holy grail “I will finally be happy when…” weight was a number I saw on the scale once and only once in my whole life: after fighting a week-long kidney infection. Just seeing the number on the scale was intoxicating, and I dreamed of the day I could replicate it. I wanted to live in a kidney infection world! I could barely eat, or move for that matter, but nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!

^^^^false. Everything tastes better than skinny feels. And nothing even compares to the blessings of good health.

If your goal weight is based on a time that you were sick, think carefully about your relationship with your health. It is an immediate red flag that your “health journey” might have nothing to do with health at all.

If your goal weight is based on a long-ago version of yourself, think carefully about your relationship with aging. Your body will change, and change again, and change again, but you have to find a way to keep loving it anyway.

If your goal weight is based on a number you have never even seen on a scale, think carefully about your relationship with societal messages. Your goal weight may have more to do with the diet culture you live in than the body you live in.

If your goal weight is keeping you from living your life fully, think carefully about why Hypothetical You deserves love, appreciation, and happiness, but Actual You doesn’t.

Most of all, if your life revolves around your past, present, and future weights, think carefully about why you have allowed a bathroom scale to tell you how you feel about yourself.

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